I Heart Benjamin Franklin

Do you think good old Benji (pictured above, circa last Halloween) would have ever thought that inventors would advance to such heights as the Potty Putter? Actually, Benjamin Franklin did invent some rather useful things himself though I bet he wishes he invented the Potty Putter. Hell, I wish I had invented the Potty Putter. Wouldn't that be a great icebreaker? Imagine the following conversation at my next social gathering (which will in fact be me with four small boys on a trampoline in a backyard full of chickens):

Me: Hi small boys on trampoline, my name is Benja...I mean Julie!
Small Boys: We like jumping!!!
Me: So, do you guys jump here often?
Small Boys: Whoopee!!!
Me: I invented the Potty Putter!
*(for copyright purposes I must admit here and now that this is a fictional scenario and I did NOT invent the potty putter, nor am I actually Benjamin Franklin, nor did Benjamin Franklin invent the potty putter as far as we know.)
Small Boys: Let's put a chicken on the trampoline!
Me: So, do you guys jump here often?

Dating world--Here I come!

Potty Putter--the wonder invention

Yes, this is a real product. Practice your swing while...well, you know the rest. I'm thinking of pitching the idea to the office staff that getting these installed in restrooms could be very relaxing and productive. We could even use other restroom items to create an 18-stall Potty Putt course. (I am imagining that the stall with the broken door could be painted black and nicknamed "The Witch's Cauldron" just to name one) Tournaments will be held on the fourth Tuesday of every month. Too bad they have not invented "Potty Lacrosse" yet. Boy would that be a great game!

Why, you ask? Why not?

Activity: Teeter-totter balance contest (for Adults only)

Materials needed: One Brazilian beach with teeter-totter
Two or more grown men with competitive spirits

Procedure: Balance yourself on the teeter-totter for at least five minutes while your friends watch. Then make lots of comments (in Portuguese) about how fantastically easy that was for a person of your strength and stamina. Sit back in plastic chair under umbrella and watch as your friends attempt to balance. Keeping a camera handy will ensure that the fun lasts and lasts.

Percival the Pig

Good Percival pig was both clever and brave

his farmer was wicked and sly

he’d sent many poor pigs along to their graves

a horrid and hateful and terrible knave

as no-one who knows him denies

denies

as no-one who knows him denies

Good Percival pig hunted truffles by day

he cared for his piglets at night

his farmer declared “folk in Canada say

their lands grow such truffles as no scales can weigh

you’ll sail by tramp steamer tonight

tonight

you’ll sail by tramp steamer tonight”

Good Percival pig said “but why should I roam

so far over oceans and seas?

my kids will be sausages when I come home

and I may well drown in the sea’s salty foam

do answer, dear sir, if you please

you please

do answer, dear sir, if you please!”

Good Percival Pig heard his master’s reply

“Dear Percy I make you this vow:

if you should bring home, by the end of July

a truffle of stupendous, outrageous size

I’ll spare you, your kids and your sow

your sow

I’ll spare you, your kids and your sow!”

Good Percival pig put to sea that same night

his journey was terribly long

though battered and bruised by the sea’s howling spite

he plucked up his courage and never took fright

our Percival pig was so strong

so strong

our Percival pig was so strong

Good Percival pig made his landing at last

and using his nose he soon found

a truffle so wonderfully, awfully vast

it still, to this day, remains quite unsurpassed

it weighed in at over ten pounds

ten pounds

it weighed in at over ten pounds

Good Percival pig struggled home with his prize

and rushed with a squeal to his farm

but oh, what a horrid sight greeted his eyes

his kids and his sow had been made into pies

“you promised to save them from harm

from harm

you promised to save them from harm!”

Good Percival pig met the very same end

in bangers and pies, sausage meat

the farmer sat down to a meal with his friends

to dine on betrayal (which no-one defends)

“these sausages look such a treat

a treat

these sausages look such a treat!”

Good Percival pig was the toast of the night

they drank to his soul through their meal

’til a blood chilling draught blew and put out the light

the revellers shrieked and stampeded with fright

“God save us, it’s Percival’s squeal

his squeal

God save us, it’s Percival’s squeal!”

Good Percival pig towered fearsome and brave

his ghostly form shrouded in black

and boomed with a deathly voice “go to your grave!

you horrid and hateful and terrible knave!”

the farmer fell dead on his back

his back

the farmer fell dead on his back

Good Percival pig, that’s the end of his tale

a story of goodness and greed

a warning that nothing good comes of betrayal

that virtue and justice will always prevail

we reap what we sow with our deeds

our deeds

we reap what we sow with our deeds!

Paul Hughes 2008

Dreaming of Brasil

It's hard to believe, but I have been back from Salvador for over a month now. Many of my friends were surprised that I came home; I didn't find out until later that they fully expected me to pack up and stay a while. I think my wanderlust is very obvious to those who know me well. I've been thinking about the kids at the Funducao do Pierre Verger a lot today. Seeing kids play capoeira is so energizing. The spiritual hurdles that keep many adults from playing a beautiful game (at least from my experience) are not present in these hopeful souls. Their games are playful, graceful and uplifting. Thinking of these children reminds me of the place I am trying to get to with my capoeria game, and the emotions that accompany the pure execution of this art are highly rewarding.